


Everything I Have

by LoBoat



Series: Stucky Songfics [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Songfic, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:07:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23779627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoBoat/pseuds/LoBoat
Summary: Sweetheart you look a little tired. When did you last eat?Bucky disappears only to return a week later, a little more broken each time. Steve's there though, he's always there to put the pieces back together.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: Stucky Songfics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1714432
Comments: 4
Kudos: 57





	Everything I Have

**Author's Note:**

> This work is a songfic based off of Atlas: Two by Sleeping At Last. I highly recommend listening to it while you read. 
> 
> Thank you to my beta Bobbi, you're the best friend a girl could ask for. Even if you roast me occasionally. 
> 
> (Go read their shit too, he's AMAZING @GreyishBlue )

**_Sweetheart, you look a little tired_ **

**_When did you last eat?_ **

He appeared out of the mist one night, materializing on Steve’s doorstep, there but not really. His eyes were distant, foggy as if Bucky himself wasn’t behind the wheel. He’d disappeared a week ago, promising Steve he’d return, just like he always did, but Steve had begun to wonder if he’d even bother returning one day. 

Wordlessly, Steve drew him inside, warm hands gentle on Bucky’s elbows as he led him to the kitchen. He pushed a glass of water into Bucky’s grip, smiling faintly when he began to drink it. His movements were mechanical, too practiced to feel natural, but he was here. He was here and he was alive. Steve could work with that.

**_Come in and make yourself right at home_ **

**_Stay as long as you need_ **

Steve got to work, gentle fingers releasing the bun that was little more than a few strands of hair clinging to the tie at that point. His hair was tangled, snarled with small bits of twig and leaves telling Steve a little of where Bucky had been. He got what he could out, the rest would have to come out when Steve washed Bucky’s hair.

Bucky was crying when Steve returned from the garbage can, tears streaking down his cheeks cutting paths through the dirt and grime on his face. Steve wasn’t even sure if Bucky knew he was crying, for the man made no move to wipe them away. He beelined for the sink, grabbing a cloth from the cupboard above and wet it with warm water. He approached Bucky like a wounded animal, careful to not make any sudden movements and send him away again. 

Bucky’s eyes flickered over Steve’s face, recognition dawning somewhere far away in them, and he leaned into Steve’s touch as the blond wiped away the grime. Steve gave him a soft smile, humming softly under his breath as he first wiped Bucky’s face and neck clean, then started on his hands. Blood and dirt was caked under his nails, and the rag did little to help, but the intimacy of it was something they both needed. 

**_Tell me, is something wrong?_ **

**_If something's wrong you can count on me_ **

**_You know I'll take my heart clean apart_ **

**_If it helps yours beat_ **

“Stevie.” His voice was ragged, broken and rough from emotion and disuse, but Steve heard him. He always heard him. 

“I know Buck.” He wrapped the older man in his arms, held him sure and tight against the storm that raged in Bucky’s mind. A palm cupped the back of Bucky’s head, cradling him against his chest where Bucky counted Steve’s heartbeat and tried to remember how to be alive again. 

**_It's okay if you can't find the words_ **

**_Let me take your coat and this weight off of your shoulders_ **

When Bucky was no longer trembling in Steve’s grasp, Steve pulled away, gentle hands easing the denim jacket Bucky had left in off his shoulders. It was damp, whether it be from blood, sweat, or rain Steve wasn’t sure. He didn’t particularly care to find out either. The jacket was cast into the corner where Steve would either try to salvage it or throw it away when Bucky was settled. He pressed a warm kiss to Bucky’s temple before kneeling in front of Bucky’s barstool. His fingers worked deftly on the laces of his boots, and soon they were piled near the jacket, the mud from the soles cracking off in a trail that led back to both men. Steve couldn’t repress the quiet laugh at Bucky’s mismatched socks. 

**_Like a force to be reckoned with_ **

**_A mighty ocean or a gentle kiss_ **

Bucky’s metal hand cupping the back of Steve’s skull drew him off the floor and back to Bucky’s side. His eyes looked less distant, more aware than when Steve found him on his step, but he was still far from the man that had walked out the door. He grasped the hand that was in his hair when Bucky tried to pull it away, pressing gentle kisses to the pads of his fingers. Bucky’s eyes fluttered shut for a moment, a light blush dusting his cheeks despite himself.

**_I will love you with every single thing I have_ **

“I love you Buck.” His words were whispered, but it sounded like he was screaming in the silence of the kitchen. Bucky’s eyes shut once more, his nose scrunching up, a furrow growing between his brows as he struggled to form words. Steve shushed him after the second aborted word that left his lips, kissing away the creases in his brows. He knew Bucky loved him back. He didn’t need to hear it. Not now. 

**_Like a tidal wave, we'll make a mess_ **

**_Calm waters, if that serves you best_ **

**_I will love you without any strings attached_ **

Together they made their way to the bathroom. The tub wouldn’t hold them both, it was barely big enough for one supersoldier, but Steve would make it work. He always did. He nudged Bucky onto the closed lid of the toilet, made his way to the tub and began to run the water as hot as he dared make it. Steve grabbed the body gel Bucky loved and dumped some into the water. The scent of vanilla blossomed in the space, warm and comforting and enough to start relaxing Bucky’s tense muscles. 

Steve helps him back to his feet, out his ruined clothing and into the bath. Bucky’s shoulders inch away from his ears the longer he’s in the tub, and Steve lets him rest for a minute while he ducks back into the bedroom. He makes a beeline for his dresser, pulling out the coziest pajamas he can find and some of Bucky’s silly fluffy socks that he covets. Not even Steve was allowed to wear his fluffy socks. 

**_It's okay if you can't catch your breath_ **

**_You can take the oxygen straight out of my own chest_ **

Steve was gone for barely five minutes. Just long enough to dispose of Bucky’s old clothes and gather him some new ones. When he returned however, Steve wished he never left. Bucky was no longer leaning against the side of the tub, sitting ramrod straight instead, his head in his hands. His breathing was ragged, the only movement being the rise and fall of his chest in jerky abandoned movements. 

Steve left the new clothes on the counter and dropped to his knees next to Bucky, drawing him into his arms as best as he could over the wall of the tub. Water sloshed over, soaking the thin bath mat and Steve’s jeans, but he couldn’t find it in him to care. He murmured sweet nothings into Bucky’s ear, urging him to breathe with Steve, in and out, in and out until their chests were moving in tandem and Bucky’s pulse was edging to normal. He was crying again, but Steve simply whisked away any tears that fell, the pads of his thumbs warm against Bucky’s clammy face. 

“Don’t leave me Stevie.”

“Never, honey.”

**_I know exactly how your rule goes_ **

**_Put my mask on first_ **

Bucky’s quiet as Steve washes his hair, gentle fingers scratching and massaging against his scalp until Bucky goes near boneless against the tub. It takes three tries to get his hair to come clean, but Steve dutifully gets every grain of dirt out his silky hair. He takes a warm rag to his body next, soaping his shoulders and chest, down his arms and in every last crevice until Bucky’s clean and finally relaxed. Steve could barely feel his knees by that point, but it didn’t matter. Bucky was relaxed, his head pillowed on Steve’s shoulder, his nose buried in Steve’s neck while Steve stroked at Bucky’s chest soothingly. 

**_No, I don't want to talk about myself_ **

**_Tell me where it hurts_ **

Steve didn’t realize he was the one crying this time until Bucky’s head tilted up, the crease between his eyebrows back as his eyes focused on Steve’s face for the first time that night. His flesh hand rose from the bath water, soaking Steve’s shirt in the process, for it was Bucky’s turn to wipe away Steve’s tears. Steve let loose a hitching breath, turning his face to press a kiss to Bucky’s palm. 

“Stevie, it’s okay. Not goin’ away again,” his voice was still rough, he didn’t sound quite like himself again, but close. Steve leaned into the comfort for a moment before pulling away to ease the stopper out the tub. He was hurting, but it wasn’t about him right now. He would have his chance to hurt later.

“I know,” he whispered into the space between them, wrapping a fluffy towel around Bucky’s shoulders to catch most of the water that dripped from his hair. Together they eased Bucky into the clothes Steve had picked out, Bucky basking in the scent of Steve enveloping him. 

**_I just want to build you up, build you up_ **

**_'Til you're good as new_ **

“Come on, let’s get you something to eat, then we can go lay down.” Bucky’s stomach seemed to respond to Steve’s words before his brain did and they shared a smile between them at it. 

“Steve?” Bucky followed close behind, wiggling his toes against the fluff that surrounded his feet. “Will you make me ramen?”

“Anything for you Buck. Go get comfortable on the couch, I’ll be right there.” Bucky followed his instructions dutifully and Steve heard the quiet theme song to The Office floating from the TV after a few minutes. 

**_And maybe one day, I'll get around_ **

**_To fixing myself, too_ **

In the privacy of the kitchen Steve allowed himself a moment of weakness. A moment where he sagged against the counter, his chest aching and tired from the past week. He’d been so worried, terrified that he’d lost Bucky again. He’d hardly slept, waiting for the moment that Bucky would walk through the door for Steve to put together again. 

**_I don't even know where to start_ **

**_Already tired of trying to recall when it all fell apart_ **

He set on the task of making Bucky ramen, a meal the two shared often when comfort was being sought out and time was short. He made enough to feed a small army, knowing that Bucky wouldn’t have eaten much and piled the tray with their bowls, two mugs of tea and a package of cookies that Bucky made the trip to the fancy supermarket for every week. 

**_I just want to love you, to love you, to love you, and_ **

**_I just want to learn how to somehow be loved myself_ **

Steve felt his heart seize as he took in the image of Bucky stretched out across the couch. The throw blanket that Bucky had spent hours knitting was wrapped around his shoulders, and his eyes lit up when he saw Steve and the tray he was carrying. He shuffled to sit up enough to eat and Steve claimed the spot right next to him, letting Bucky stretch his thighs across Steve’s lap. Bucky took his bowl and began wolfing down the steaming noodles. Steve took his time with his own, alternating between taking bites of ramen and scratching at Bucky’s leg gently. The smile Bucky sent him over his bowl was warm and sincere and conveyed all the emotions that words couldn’t manage to. 

**_Like a force to be reckoned with_ **

**_A mighty ocean or a gentle kiss_ **

Unsurprisingly Bucky finished before Steve did. He shifted to lean against Steve’s side, nuzzling his face into Steve’s impressive pec. They settled into a comfortable silence, Steve’s arms wrapped around Bucky’s waist when he finished eating, his lips pressing soft kisses to his hairline. “I love you Buck. So much.”

**_I will love you without any strings attached_ **

“I love you too Stevie.” Bucky’s voice was thick with emotion, his lips brushing against Steve’s throat as he spoke. 

**_What a privilege it is to love_ **

**_A great honor to hold you up_ **

**_I will love you without any strings attached_ **

**_I will love you without a single string attached_ **

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked that and dumb memes follow my [tumblr](https://theassetsass.tumblr.com/)


End file.
